Apparently, Schoolyard Heroes Want to Kill YOUR Children

No, really. He/she also believes Schoolyard Heroes want to “kill your children.” This is one of the greatest finds in a while, so enjoy….

Travis Hay writes a music column for Seattle PI, and yesterday, he published a favorable review of the band’s new — and stunning — album, Abominations. This inspired a reader to check out the band, for whatever reason, and what this person discovered sent them into a tailspin and inspired one of the most insane e-mails I have ever read.

It blew Mr. Hay’s mind, as well, as he simply posted it as part of his column:

Travis,

I have been into music all my life and occasionally look at the music reviews. Today’s band caught my eye (the pretty dress, although she is laying in a death pose), thinking they looked like they might play some interesting music. Much to my horror, I read your review and was just that…horrified at what I just read, that made their music sound all cutsie, let alone that the PI would glorify such evil. I clicked into their website and listened for 15 seconds, again to my horror, let alone the blood curdling lyrics that were spewing from their throats.

I’m curious to if you clicked into their website and read their lyrics? I have never read such evil words in my life. If this band isn’t avowed Satanists, I’ll eat my hat…let alone their name…Schoolyard heroes: (Columbine:…that murder our youth) Did you catch some of the titles…? “Serial killers know how to party”…everyone one of their songs glorifies death, dismemberment, murder, suicide. Where is your responsibility to society and the youth of today? Our kids are being murdered in the schools and on the streets by their own peers who feed on this sick music and you do write-ups and advertise this hopeless, destructive, evil music. Every parent ought to click into their website and see what their kids are being fed. THese are satanic priests in their pulpits on stages and in clubs around the world. They understand the power in music and how they can plant their ideas in your children to make them do anything. THey want to kill your children and their lyrics state this very thing. WAKE UP, it’s nearly too late.

This went from being funny to being sad, when I realized this person was actually serious and can’t tell the difference between reality and fiction. I love the “Satanic priests in their pulpits on stages” bit… Ryann would knock a pulpit over about two seconds into the first song. And really, I’ve never met a band that was truly humbled by fan appreciation like they were when I saw them and spoke with them last year. Smiles and hugs all around. Of course, for all I know, that’s how they get the Satan into “the children.”

By the way, what children are listening to Schoolyard Heroes, anyway? And if there are children listening to a horrorpunk band like this? What are their parents doing letting them? I mean, the album is called Abominations, and it’s pretty clearly not “High School Musical Part 3,” nor is it advertised as such.

Holy crap, though. I’m still trying to process just how insane this person is.

That said, there’s no such thing as bad press, and if more nutters get on the bandwagon about how horrible and evil this band is, all they do is make more people aware of them, and help them get bigger. After all, there’s nothing people like more than forbidden fruits.

[Originally written for Shoutmouth.com, 09/2007]

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