Tom DeLonge Upgraded From Pretentious to Insane

In case you were wondering why your life didn’t drastically change after the release of Angels & Airwaves’ first album, Tom has an explanation. You see, when he said he was going to change the face of rock and roll, he meant in 30 years, and would like you to check back in 29 years, as it will become evident then — and only then — how much the band has, in fact, changed everyone’s lives. No, really. He said that. And that’s just the beginning….

Tom went on to explain exactly why the band is so special:

There are lots of things happening in the world right now,” he continued. “When you watch the news, it’s really negative. When you listen to music, it’s consistently it seems bands are angry, or they’re covering themselves in makeup and crying and being weird about it. But with us, we like the idea of being optimistic, and to be optimistic and to believe in something greater than yourself seems to be the most uncool thing in the world, which makes it the coolest thing, since we’re the only ones doing it.

Yes, Angels & Airwaves are the only people who believe in something greater than themselves, and this makes them “the coolest thing.” Holy. Crap. Does this dude have a handler? If not, I suggest he gets one — fast.

This is how Tom DeLonge has chosen to promote the band’s upcoming album, I-Empire, by the way. Originally scheduled for an October 23rd release, it was pushed back to November 6th with no real explanation — though I will hazard a guess and say they didn’t want to go head-to-head with Coheed & Cambria and Cobra Starship, and opted for a less crowded release date. After all, their first album [the one that started off the 30-year evolution of music, the world, and all of our lives] only sold a little over 500,000 copies. And that’s just not enough lives changed!

He went on to discuss that, in an effort to deal with an “industry in crisis,” where people aren’t buying music, the band has spent a lot of time and effort on new endeavors, such as their movie, which is apparently headed for theatres next year. DeLonge feels this is part of how they will change music, because I guess he never got the memo that a documentary about a band featuring a live performance and some interspersed “epic visuals of war” is nothing particularly new or groundbreaking. Oh well. I’m sure it fits into the 30-year plan.

Tom noted that the new album is just an evolution of the thoughts behind the first one:

The first record was about an idea that if you can see yourself differently in the world, you might actually change the world around you, if not the world itself. The new record is about that idea taking place, and the personification of that philosophical statement, that you can actually change the world by seeing it differently.

Well, I’m currently envisioning myself wandering the streets of London, spending the millions I won in the lottery… but it turns out, nope, I’m still sitting in my office writing an article on Tom DeLong, wondering how he’s avoided a mental institution for this long and enjoying the fact that even MTV had a laugh at his expense when he was talking all this nonsense.

As such, because I did not win the lottery and end up in London just by picturing it, I have decided to officially retire from ever covering this band as Tom also said, “And it’s very easy to tear a band down for trying.” And he’s right. It really is too easy.

As a matter of fact, I move that everyone officially stops covering this band for the next 29 years. When they have passed, we can then re-convene to discuss just how much our lives have changed since the advent of Angels & Airwaves, and exactly how much of a role they played in the changing of our lives.

[Written for Shoutmouth, 2007]

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